College is supposed to be a time of self-discovery, a time of exploration, a time of new beginnings. How can a person begin this journey of self-exploration when they are living someone else’s dream or ideal?
The college search in itself is a major step in growing up because teens are forced to think about what is important and what would be a good fit for them. A parent could potentially spoil that milestone of growth by telling their child where to go.
Most of us would prefer to not end up a carbon copy of our parents one day (no insult to our parents of course). Many of us have different dreams, different interests and want different lives than our parents. In turn, it is important to find ourselves and what we truly care about as we go through the college search. It is impossible to do so when we already have a school handpicked by our parents.
Though they say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, many apples want far different things than their trees want.
Thankfully, my parents pretty much stayed out of the college search. That’s not to say that they weren’t helpful, but they truly allowed me to decide my future completely on my own. Since I will legally be an adult in a few months, I was grateful for their respect and faith in my ability to decide on my own.
As I looked at my other classmates’ pictures and quotes on the slideshow board in the CRC, I lamented over the number of “my parents went there” responses I read. I sincerely hope that the students had far more compelling reasons than that for choosing the place at which they will spend the next four years.
I have some advice for parents of high school students. Please allow your children freedom in the college search. They will greatly appreciate room to breathe and to find who they are without your instruction. By this time in their lives, they should know who they are and should be mature enough to decide on their own what is best for them. If they cannot do so, they will come to you on their own.
I also have a few words of advice for my underclassman who will be going through the college search far sooner than they realize. It is important to pick a school for reasons such as the following: the school has a great program for your major, the other students made you feel welcome, you could picture yourself there, you love the amount of school spirit. If your parents attended the school of your dreams, then great. But only let that be an afterthought on your list of reasons why.
illustration by Taylor Alkemade