Deforestation, Carbon Emissions, and Other Ways to Enjoy the End of the World
March 14, 2017
Filed under Opinion
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We had a pretty confusing February, Chicagoland. Sunshine? Weather in the 60s and 70s? People wearing SHORTS? Is it spring break already???
Not yet! Your calendar wasn’t wrong — while warm, it was still winter. Your thermometer, however, also wasn’t lying. February temperatures in Chicago this year reached a high of 70 degrees, and for the first time in 146 years, the city saw no snow through both January and February, as WGN TV reported.
So, what does this mean for us? What should we do about this startling CHANGE in CLIMATE? What steps should we take as the GLOBE around us seems to be WARMING?
Well, the same steps we take on any issue that stirs controversy! In the grand American tradition of dealing with bipartisan issues, let’s ignore it! Sure, our planet is withering before our eyes, but golly, the weather’s nice! Here are some suggestions of ways you can enjoy the gradual demise of Mother Earth!
- Go for a Ride! What better way to enjoy these beautiful winter days than a little joyriding? Grab some friends, roll the top down, hit the gas, and let the warm “spring” air do the rest! That air, irrelevantly, you happen to be polluting with approximately 24 pounds of carbon dioxide and other harmful pollutants per gallon of gas your convertible consumes. Sure, the Union of Concerned Scientists says the U.S. transportation sector may be responsible for nearly 30 percent of all U.S. global warming emissions, but hey, that’s not your problem, is it?
- Host a Barbecue! The sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, some people haven’t taken down their holiday decorations yet — it’s obviously time to get those burgers sizzling! As you switch on your old, faithful methane grill, be sure not to think too much about how methane is actually 84 times as potent as carbon dioxide, and is responsible for about one-fourth of the manmade global warming we’re experiencing today; or, at least, that’s what the Environmental Defense Fund says. Careful! You might burn the hot dogs if you get too distracted!
- Have a Bonfire! Put that withered Christmas tree you removed from your living room just a few short weeks ago to good use and invite the neighbors over for a bonfire! As you throw another log on the fire, be sure not to spare a thought for the effect the increasing rate of deforestation is having on our atmosphere. According to Scientific American, trees release all their stored CO2 when felled, attributing to about 15 percent of carbon emissions globally. But I think we can all agree the s’mores are worth it, right?
So what if our carbon emissions are at an all-time high? So what if the ozone layer’s disappearing? We got a really nice February out of it! So here’s to many nice Februarys to come! Until there are no more Februarys because our planet is dead, encasing us in the carbon coffin we’ve constructed.
But hey, at least for now, you can wear a t-shirt! Before April! How cool is that?!?!?